How to have fun with the human - by Woody

*This is the first installment of How to have fun with the human, by Woody

I like to call this - Keep 'em down!  This can be quite a challenging task actually, don't let the easy sounding name fool you.

1. First of all, plan and plot the game with perfect precision. This is what I do all day when human is away. I make meticulous notes, then pass them onto the others I implicate in my schemes. They can't read and Pooh Bear just eats the notes, but I like to think that *some* of it sinks in...

First of all - the most important thing, there has to be LOTS of snow!

2. Getting the human a bit tired to begin with will help you win this game. Here's what I do: get the human to take you out on a loooong walk on a Friday night right after work. Y'know, so they're kinda tired to begin with. Let them take the other yahoos out for a walk first, and make sure it's in a foot of fresh snows so they come back kind of tired.

3. When it's your turn for a walk, get the human more tired by running at them, jumping on them - oh! And eat some poo too! They hate it when you do that, and they will come running for BLOCKS to stop you, haha. They're soooo slow though. I could eat a bucket full o' poo before the human actually caught up with me.

3. Then, when they try and do that stupid "I'm-gonna-hide-on-the-dogs-who-just-took-off-down-the-trail-hee-hee" nonsense when you are not looking, turn around and RUNBACKFAST!!! You have to pay close attention because if your human is anything like mine, they do this A LOT!!! And think it will work every time. It doesn't. Well, it does sometimes. Either way, they think it's hilarious. It's not.

Running back fast will throw them off and before they have found their magical hiding spot, they'll have to admit defeat.

3. This is where the real fun begins. They will probably try to sink down in the snow to hide, hoping we might run by, but we are smarter than that! YOU MUST FIND THEM.  And then when you do - run at them FULL SPEED. When they try to stand up, do everything in your power to thwart that effort. It is HILARIOUS!!!  And soooo fun to do in deep snow!!! Like so:

Jump on their head when they try to get up!

if you constantly jump at them, they will NOT be able to get up!! The more you do this, the more they screech and yell, that means they are having FUN!

You can buck like a bronco (to confuse them and momentarily stun them), jump on them, get the others to help KEEP 'EM DOWN, really your only limit is your imagination.

And when they are unable to move and laying on the ground motionless for a few minutes, that means you WIN!!!!!

Now I hope you will go out and do the same thing with your humans. It really makes them appreciate you. In fact, I heard my human say something about taking me somewhere on a fun trip after we played this game! I can't wait to go to this "animal shelter" place she talked about!!! Wheeeee!!!!!

*(this is an actual event that happened a few weeks ago, as told from Woody's perspective)

Lucy channels her inner cat

Lucy was acting very cat-like during her last couple of weeks. It was kind of funny, every time I put down the workout mat, she wandered over from her MATTRESS (yes, a kiddie mattress) and plopped down like this. Much like a cat lying on your laptop or favourite book, there is no way this thing was more comfortable than that kick-ass mattress.

But she was always... well, different! :)





What a little turd, right up until the end. But who could resist that face, it's like she's saying "What? You got a problem?" Ahhhh, I miss that attitude and personality!!!

Screw you Zazzle!

So apparently, my favourite birthday card that I made especially for my MOTHER, was deemed to have "inappropriate content" on Zazzle! What the crap, Zazzle!?!

They have different content ratings, so why they wouldn't just bump it up to "R" if it was unsuitable for whatever category I picked?

I mean, really. Is my decapitated head offensive? For the love of god, he's SMILING!!!!!

Anyways, this reminds me of the time I used the word "poop" on a dating site profile and got banned. The world has officially gone mad.

Skyping with my parents

...is more entertaining than a bad tv reality show. This was an actual conversation we had last night:

beeboobeebooo.... connected!

Usually, somehow the camera on their computer gets moved around and usually ends up facing anywhere but directly at the person on the computer.

So I try to explain how she can see herself in the little box...

But the damned Skype delay confuses the issue as my mom and I talk over each other for 5 more minutes until we get into the rhythm of talking with the delay.

Then we make headway!

She moves the camera:

And then dad comes in and the show continues. I'm just happy he was wearing pants!

Half of mom's head and dad's crotch = a semi-successful Skype talk!

I'm pretty sure zombies ate my dogs brains

Sometimes I wonder if the zombies have gotten into the dogyard when I wasn't home and stolen(eaten) a couple of BRAINZZZZZ...

Because two of my dogs are definitely missing theirs. Any ideas as to who?

And oh yes! There is yet another story that accompanies this recent post... if only we had video cameras on us 24hrs/day, it would be easy to share! But alas, we have to rely on my not-so-photographic memory and crappy drawings. Stay tuned!

Yukon Yahoos Stuff!

We've got some merchandise! You may have noticed the new sidebar item, over there on the right which links to my "store" at Zazzle.  I create the magnificent items and you and bajillions of other people can buy them and enjoy them and share them and then hang them on your mantle forever. If you don't have a mantle, you can put it on your bedside table. Tell me you don't want to look at Pooh Bear's butthole first thing in the morning!? (yes, there is a card with THAT on it)

I started out with mugs, then got into the greeting card business 10 minutes later. And I must say, oh my goodness, I LOVE the greeting cards.  I've always thought that 99.9% of the greeting cards out there are terrible.  I would stand forever at the rack of cards, looking for the least lame one. And still leave disappointed. All I knew was that the more flowers and mushy talk on it, the more my mom was gonna love it (kidding mom!). (no, I am not)

But now. Oh, I will never give a cheapo card again. I have semi-inappropriate cards of my own for every occasion!

I will be adding items as I create my new masterpieces but in the meantime you can at least head over there for a good laugh.  Here is my favourite - thanks to a suggestion from my mom to have cards for those ah, "senior" members of the population.

Here is each page of the card and NONE is blank (another pet peeve of current stupid greeting cards):

 

Any birthday card that includes a decapitated, smiling head who's headless body is giving a "thumb's up" is tops in my book!